CabbieBlog

I blame the Pringle

Now constructed and undergoing the final adjustments the 2012 Olympic venues are on the cusp of throwing open their doors to the general public. Soon we will have wall to wall coverage in the media of these stadia and all the athletic action for which they were designed – but frankly, I’m rather alarmed.

The Olympic Stadium looks rather like a football ground which of course is what it will become for its ultimate use. Put simply it’s the backdrop for the grand occasions.

The design of the Aquatics Centre has been done before; its roof has appeared in Hollywood blockbusters looking like an alien spaceship descending to Earth. Its interior is light and airy, but swimming, well isn’t it just a little pedestrian?

The Basketball Arena must have Charles Saatchi wishing to fill its cavernous interiors with modern art.

No, it’s the Velodrome that has me worried. In London we like to give nicknames to iconic buildings and its shape and copper colour have given rise to the building being dubbed ‘The Pringle’. The roof’s curved shape conveys undulating circular travel at high speed, its track design which mirrors the roof has been tested and early trials indicate that its design has the potential to be the worlds fastest. It’s the swan song for its creator, Ron Webb a veteran of 53 such venues and all this attention will mean that events staged here will be the races the public will want to watch.

Men whose thighs that are wider than my waist, breaking the legal speed limit and all looking like an Adonis it’s a sports broadcaster’s dream venue. To make matters worse it is a Brit who is one of the fastest around, triple Olympic champion Sir Chris Hoy looks set to become one of the stars of the Games at the ripe old age of thirty-six.

As a cabbie I’ve had my fair share around London’s streets of The Men in Lycra, but the 2012 Olympics promise to raise speed cycling to a whole new level of participation by men who at their age should really know better.

Men you see transmogrify at around the age of 40, youthful looks start to fade, young girls find you invisible and as the hairline recedes testosterone levels mysteriously seem to increase.

So decisions need to be taken to retain one’s youth: gym membership, a sports car, performance enhancing drugs, or the old standby, taking on a mistress.

But one lifestyle change wins hands down – a bobby-dazzler racing road bike. It fulfils man’s innate desire to be competitive while at the same time showing off his youthful good looks.

First the apparel, the Lycra has to be tight otherwise it feels that you’re wearing a parachute. Fluorescent colours of bright blue, yellow or Heaven help us lime green serve to achieve a peacock’s dazzling array, guaranteeing heads turning as you pass.

But, let’s be honest, all men like to display their prowess by their ability to buy ‘stuff’ – expensive stuff – and at up to £8,000 racing bikes fit the bill admirably.

Bike frames made from F1 racing car wonder material carbon fibre weighing less than your empty wallet, racing shoes just like Superman wears, futuristic helmets mounted by a video camera. Every piece designed to scream at the world – “I’m an Alfa Male – with money”.

Not long after the London 2012 closing ceremony I predict packs of these ‘old-boy racers’ emerging from Canary Wharf each trying to beat his personal best and all spending increasing sums of money to achieve their goal.

In the 1880s Mark Twain learned to ride one of the old high-wheel bicycles of that period and wrote Taming The Bicycle, an account of his experience. After that hair-raising adventure he gave this sage advice: ‘Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live.’

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Road to Hell

The emergency services have waited years for it but it has taken among others the chief executives of Coca-Cola and McDonald’s as well as £12 million of public money to improve the deployment of the Split Cycle Offset Optimisation Technique (“SCOOT”). The SCOOT system uses pressure sensors built into the road to monitor the volume of traffic on specific busy London routes. The sensors send information to traffic signals placed just yards away to decide the timings between light changes depending on congestion.

TfL could be congratulated for developing an integrated traffic management system that has the potential to save lives. Unfortunately this major upgrade was made for one specific purpose – the 2012 Olympics, or more precisely for the 240 VIPs who will be given exclusive use of a 520d BMW complete with their personal driver to whist them unimpeded from their 5-star West End hotel to the Olympic venue. One would have thought that the iconic London black cab would have been used, but the journey through London must be completed within a stipulated 25 minutes using the 30 miles of Games Lanes which are part of the Olympic Route Network, and so the black cab has probably proved to be too slow.

Should the automatic system be unable to cope with the congestion staff monitoring the VIP’s progress on computer screens from their Canary Wharf base can take the further step of instructing a team of 30 TfL engineers in South London to manually change lights along the Games Lane to green if the convoy is in danger of not arriving on time, giving the VIPs priority over all other motorists.

The only other users of these ZIL Lanes will be 2,800 Olympic officials who each have the use of a pool car to transport them to the venues, but quite how we have over 3,000 Olympic officials when most of the planning, development and implementation of London 2012 was done by Seb Coe’s small London based team.

Some roads including Constitution Hill and Birdcage Walk will be completely closed to the public, providing sole access to the VIP vehicles and further disrupting journeys for ordinary motorists who will be forced to take alternative routes. In addition bans on parking and right turns which cross the Games Lanes, in addition the suspension of pedestrian crossings should they be deemed to impede the journey of the Olympic dignitary. Along the Olympic routes all non-Olympic traffic, including private cars, lorries, buses and taxis, will have to use the bus lane, the outside lane will be reserved for Olympic officials. Organisers are still deciding whether to enforce these restrictions during a 15-day break between the Olympic and Paralympics Games from the 12th until 29th August even though very few dignitaries will be still in London.

A great fanfare was made when we were all promised that London 2012 would be the most inclusive Games in history which would enrich the city. In reality, thousands of International Olympic Committee members and a host of big-money sponsors with their entourage will be turning up in town expecting to be waited on hand and foot at the expense of everyone else.

If like me you will be stuck in the 18 hours of traffic jams during the 100 days that the Olympic event will last, make your own little protest, cut out the “Don’t you know who I am?” logo kindly donated by PK Monroe and stick it on your windscreen, we might be stationary but were could be moving forward together.

CabbieBlog is published regularly under a Creative Commons License by a London Black Cab Driver. Powered by WordPress.com.
Take a look round, you might like what you find. Proudly supporting the National Trust protecting England’s heritage and coast.