Driven mad in London « CabbieBlog

Going Japanese

1 December, 2009 at 1:45 am | In Driven mad in London | Leave a Comment
Tags: roads to riches

Five million quid doesn’t go very for these days it would seem. When they saw Westminster Council approaching them and asking the question, “Can you change our crossing to . . . a crossing?” the contractors must have rubbed their hands with glee.

Now after 8 weeks of work, enough concrete to build the Hoover Dam and gridlock on all the approaching roads, the Shibuya crossing at Oxford Circus is complete.

1200357_Oxford_Street_diagonals_shibuya1 I’m considering turning CabbieBlog into a conspiracy theory site, if I didn’t know better you could be forgiven for suspecting some of the road “improvements” taking place in London are designed to hold up traffic. You don’t have to possess a degree in traffic management to realise that if you cut a road’s capacity in half it’s going to take twice as long to pass a given point.

The newly completed Shilba crossing at Oxford Circus that CabbieBlog has commented on in the past is a £5 million mad scheme on a gargantuan scale and rivals Trafalgar Square as the worst traffic scheme ever imposed on London?

After removing the protective railings, the kerbs and filling the underground toilet with concrete, the pavements have been widened, not with smart paving slabs in keeping with this allegedly prestigious shopping area, no they have just been filled that space with concrete.

This now benefits the drug dealers, leaflet distributors and disorientated tourists who were always the biggest annoyances at what was and is still the worst intersection in London.

Now that other band who inhabit this quarter of London, the hordes of pubescent girls scrambling to get into Top Shop. Inevitably gaggles of them would meet “by the railings”, where they would stand for 20 minutes, texting each other while flicking their hair and adjusting their micro skirts, these little darlings are now spilling into a road which is devoid of either railings or kerb.

But apart from these vacuous creatures, who is going to shop in Oxford Street this Christmas next to a stationery line of traffic stretching for one mile, all pumping out CO₂because they can’t go anywhere?

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A journey to the Mystic East

13 November, 2009 at 1:02 am | In Driven mad in London | Leave a Comment
Tags: olympics

“Olympic Route Network”, the phrase just conjures up a route for graceful athletics to compete on. The Greeks would have given the road from Marathon to Athens an appropriately romantic title.

As predicted by CabbieBlog priority lanes are proposed for exclusive use of Olympic officials between their West End hotels and the Olympic Park.

The Olympic Committee has argued that the distance and time taken necessitates giving Olympic officials and organisers a dedicated priority lane on London’s already overcrowded roads.

So while anybody foolish enough to drive in London during the 2012 Olympics sits in a traffic jam, the Olympic Lane will be quieter than the London Mayor’s Cycle Fridays, which aimed at encouraging commuting by bike. Unfortunately some days only two bikers showed up at a cost of £68.80 each. Olympics officials wouldn’t get out of bed if a derisory amount like that was going to be wasted on them.

But the reason that the Olympic organisers are staying in the West End and not the myriad of decent hotels built in London’s Docklands is simple: Wives; their husbands idea of a perfect day might be to watch men throwing spears or hammers, but the wives want to shop. And while all the hotel chains have 5-star hotels near the Olympic Park there is no Harrods or Harvey Nichols.

While we are constantly being told that 2012 is going to be the greenest Olympics in history, its organisers intend to gridlock large parts of central London with stationery traffic pumping out high levels of fumes by taking away 50 per cent of the road capacity. And if you have the temerity to venture into these acres of empty tarmac you will get, courtesy of Transport for London, a fine of £5,000.

All this to enable a favoured few to drive 16 miles every day back and forth to their hotels unimpeded.

As they say “it’s not the winning that counts, but the taking part”. Unless that is, you are trying to work in London to pay for their “taking part”.

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Mayflies in Lycra

23 October, 2009 at 1:38 am | In Driven mad in London | 7 Comments
Tags: easy riders

Mayflies have a short and glorious life, and so do many cyclists in London.

The Metropolitan Police’s Collision Investigators have said that there have been 9 cyclists killed in London so far this year, of which 7 have been killed by lorries and at least 6 of these fatalities were female. So why do they want to balance on two wheels while avoiding potholes, pedestrians and cars?

Many of these lunatics habitually ignore traffic regulations, to the annoyance of other road users, and who at The Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea had the inspired idea to encourage them to ride up a one-way street in the opposite direction to the traffic?

Was it another Boris Brainwave? He closed half of central London’s roads recently to allow two men and a dog the experience of a car free Capital, with Sunday’s Skyride.

He also treats us to the colourful spectacle of hundreds of bikes accompanied by a police escort reclaiming the streets on the last Friday of the month with the Critical Mass festival.

Boris is so keen on his pedal pals maybe he should consider replacing the hated bendy buses with rickshaws; he is making no headway to curb this menace.

It was H.G. Wells who said: “When I see a man on a bicycle I don’t despair for the human race”. But then he did write War of the Worlds.

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In Memoriam

16 October, 2009 at 1:17 am | In Driven mad in London | 1 Comment
Tags: in rememberance

At the risk of unleashing a river of vitriol I want to address roadside memorials.

As drivers we are told that nothing should distract our attention, so no mobiles, loud music, or if the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents has their way, no smoking.

In the past Eva Herzigova’s advert for Wonderbra caused a string of accidents caused by male drivers being distracted by her female charms displayed on very large hoardings around London.

The appearance of these shrines in England is all the more surprising since the tradition is alien to Protestant cultures. They are contrastingly common in Spain, parts of Austria and much of South America. But I’m getting fed up with seeing these mounds of flowers, soft toys or football shirts placed at the side of the road in this country .

Understandably relations and loved ones of the deceased will get some solace and closure from these shrines, but they are messy and distracting. You crane your neck to try to find out who the victim might be and if there are toys around the base you lose your concentration momentarily.

And what’s the point? Surely you pay your respects at the resting place of your loved one not a lamppost beside the A40. Councils will now remove any homemade signs attached to street signs, so why do they let this clutter remain at the roadside?

The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents believes there are important safety messages to be drawn from the trend. “The increase in the number of shrines just highlights how dangerous our roads are,” said a spokeswoman.

But the Society is concerned that the shrines may themselves increase the risk of accidents. “It isn’t something we would like people to stop doing but it’s important they take extra care. The same applies to motorists because it’s easy for them to take their eyes off the road for even a second.”

The ghost bike memorials by Steve Allen work by just reminding drivers of the need to “think bike”. Usually these comprise of a white bike and the victim’s name.

How about a small plaque in a distinctive colour placed where people have died this could serve the dual purpose of a modest memorial and with its distinctive colour a reminder to motorists?

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Blue Badge Blues

2 October, 2009 at 1:05 pm | In Driven mad in London | Leave a Comment
Tags: road to riches

A multiple choice question starts this post today.

Which council is so poor it cannot afford to give unrestricted free parking for the disabled?

Is it:

Corby (struggling to survive without its steelworks)
Doncaster (having lost much of the engineering)
Merthyr Tydfil (now coal mining has ceased)
Westminster (one of the wealthiest places on earth)

The answer is to be found at the bottom of this post.

You see I was reading the information booklet about using a disabled Blue Badge for parking restrictions. Most councils waive their parking charges for the first 2 hours as a concession to the disabled. The cost in lost revenue must be miniscule when compared to their total revenue. But for some authorities it would appear that the financial burden is too great.

Statistics show that Westminster Council now collects more income from parked cars than from ratepayers, so they are hardly likely to reduce this income stream. They do, magnanimously, provide a number of bays for Blue Badge holders, and provide a leaflet showing where these bays are located.

The answer is: The London boroughs of Kensington and Chelsea, the City of Westminster, the City of London and part of Camden, just hang your heads in shame.

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Sponsor A Pothole

18 August, 2009 at 2:21 am | In Driven mad in London | 2 Comments
Tags: roads

Now here’s a question for you, and no conferring. How many potholes are there on Britain’s roads? The answer is to be found at the bottom of this post.

Oxford City Council has proposed a plan to “Sponsor A Pothole” because it does not have enough funding to cover the cost of maintaining the streets.

A spokesman said the scheme would “reward” businesses and local people who paid for pothole repairs with roadside signs “in honour” of their contribution.

London’s worst offender has to be The City of London its roads are so bad they have better roads in Iraq. As a cabbie, my arms ache with the vibration travelling up the steering column, when traversing the City’s streets.

It’s amazing isn’t it? One of the wealthiest square miles in the world and the streets that Dick Whittington imagined were paved with gold, now need a 4×4 to negotiate.

So instead of discarded McDonald’s packaging left in the gutter, soon we might have signs proclaiming in no parking yellow “I’m Lovin’ It” stencilled across the tarmac.

Need more information click this link for everything you wanted to know about potholes, but to get you started there are estimated to be more than 1.5 million potholes on Britain’s roads.

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An In-Convenience Truth

7 August, 2009 at 2:01 am | In Driven mad in London | 3 Comments
Tags: london's toilets, road works

Westminster Council who aspires to become the most anti-social borough in London must be fearful that it is in danger of losing its ranking.

For not content with pursuing a regime of traffic enforcement that the Taliban would like to emulate, they now have turned their attention to a more basic function than parking offences, namely toilets.

Over the past few years public conveniences have been closing at an alarming rate, so critical has it become, that London Mayor Boris has even suggested that private shops and restaurants open their doors (so to speak) to facilitate the public’s needs.

Then recently under cover of darkness, in a clandestine operation, Westminster Council filled the public conveniences at Oxford Circus with concrete. But never mind they provide a text-based service providing you with all the information you need to find a toilet in their borough (80097 TOILET at a cost of 25p if you’re interested). I was told at 9.20 in the evening that I would have to walk best part of a mile from Oxford Circus to use one of their toilets.

The more charitable among you might presume that the time chosen to fill these toilets with concrete was so that drivers were not inconvenienced (sorry again about that) by the lorries. But I would remind you that Westminster Council now collects more income from parked cars than from taxpayers, so they are hardly car friendly.

The Council plans to provide a £5 million diagonal pedestrian crossing at this intersection modelled on the Shibuya crossing in Tokyo, ignoring the fact that, while Japanese assiduously cross a road at the designated points, in London jaywalkers are knocked down on a regular basis in Oxford Street, completely ignoring the correct crossing points.

Westminster City Council’s Cllr Danny Chalkley said while commendably keeping a straight face:

“This new crossing, which will transform Oxford Circus and ensure visitors who emerge from the Tube are impressed by what greets them, is part of a whole series of improvements taking place to ensure the West End looks truly world class in time for 2012″.

The developers hope to have the new crossing ready in time for the Christmas lights switch-on in November. It is just a pity no-one will be able to have a pee.

As a footnote, in 200 years time when archaeologists are excavating these Edwardian toilets they might be surprised to find mummified corpses down there encased in concrete, caught having their last “comfort stop” before Westminster poured concrete down the staircase.

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The Burghers of Trumpton

14 July, 2009 at 1:58 am | In Driven mad in London | 1 Comment
Tags: road works

Patrick Moore must know if there is a parallel universe in London.

For most of us who use London’s roads encounter inappropriate speeding, overtaking on the nearside, rude and careless drivers, and a complete disregard of pedestrians and cyclists.

But it would appear that The Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea’s roads department don’t populate the world that I live in (or most accurately the world that I drive in).

Their world is akin to Camberwick Green when everybody is aware of other road users, greeting them with a cheery riposte, and continuing on their journey unimpeded. They help little old ladies cross the road and slow down for children.

For what the good Burghers of Kensington and Trumpton are proposing is to convert Exhibition Road by removing the kerbs and to semi pedestrianise the road. Already the RNIB have objected to this lack of delineation between the road and pavement, going as far when on 17 June 150 blind and partially sighted people campaigned outside the London Assembly.

This is an extract from Trumpton’s website explaining the proposed changes:

The most recognisable characteristic of shared space is the absence of street clutter, such as conventional traffic signals, barriers, signs and road markings. This encourages motorists to slow down, engage with their surroundings and make eye contact with pedestrians – resulting in a higher quality and more usable street area, with enhanced road safety.

So next year look out for Police Constable McGarry, Mickey Murphy the baker, Dr Mopp, Mrs Honeyman and Windy Miller.

Pugh Pugh Barney McGrew Cuthbert Dibble and Grubb!

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Grumpy! That’s a Laugh

10 July, 2009 at 2:15 pm | In Driven mad in London | 2 Comments
Tags: surveys

London’s taxi drivers have been identified as the country’s grumpiest workers. A recent survey found that traffic jams, the rising cost of petrol and drunken passengers meant that cabbies rarely managed a chortle all day. In fact just 0.4% of taxi drivers said they laughed regularly through their working day and those individuals of course have had their licenses revoked.

Live in a big city, and drive a black cab every day, you will soon see why we are morose. From grumpy fellow road users, fanciful detours, to passengers who seem to have left their brain at home that day, driving a cab through the congested heart of a major city can easily become the most irritating of occupations.

Another recent survey of cab users shows that people still judge London cabbies to be the best in the world albeit miserable, but rate Parisian chauffeurs, commonly excoriated for their rudeness, above their counterparts in Berlin, Sydney and Las Vegas. Just how bad must they be in Berlin?

While the Discovery Channel after spending eight months travelling across Britain seeking out the trickiest jobs reported a few years ago that London’s black cab drivers have the most dangerous job in Britain. How exactly you classify driving a black cab as more dangerous than risking your life every day, chained to the deck of a North Sea trawler, working on a North Sea oil rig, being a lumberjack and having trees fall on your head or demolishing an asbestos filled building defeats me.

An Oxford University study said fishermen are 50 times more likely to die at work than any other profession. So based on these facts, how does deep sea fishing in raging seas slip into second place behind driving a comfortable vehicle while listening to Robert Elms on London Radio while saving to purchase your holiday home on Tuscany?

Well here’s my theory. The report ranked each job on the likelihood of serious injury, skill level, working hours plus mental and physical stress. For black cab drivers, these occupational hazards come from the general public whose wrath has been incurred by delays caused by road works, drivers giving their unsolicited opinions and Gordon Brown.

So perhaps this survey has it right. So next time you use the services of a Black London Cabbie spare a thought of our occupational risks.

CabbieBlog is published regularly under a Creative Commons License by a London Black Cab Driver.
Take a look round you might like what you find. Proudly supporting the National Trust protecting England’s heritage.
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Cock-up or Conspiracy

30 June, 2009 at 2:07 am | In Driven mad in London | 2 Comments
Tags: road works

All right I know we have been here before, but I’m back to the old chestnut, road works.

The road works and the planning, or lack of planning, has now reached epic proportions. It’s only when you have been stuck in the gridlock that the West End has become of late you start to question the Westminster Council’s ineptitude. Or is it part of a conspiracy by a group of sandal-wearing, tree hugging, muesli munching “environmental anarchists” that have managed to infiltrate councils across London with an agenda to force motorists off the road?

Are they gradually bringing London to a standstill in the hope that people will give up their cars? Why else have they slowed down all traffic lights? Why have they built bus bays that stick out into the road forcing all the other traffic to stop at every bus stop? Why are there speed humps on almost every road, including cul-de-sacs? And why has the one-way system at Aldgate been turned back to its 1960 configuration?

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