Mustn’t grumble

8 May, 2012 at 1:50 pm | Posted in I'm as mad as Hell | 3 Comments
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1950s cabbie

Mustn’t grumble, which of course is what we Londoners are always doing – roadworks, litter, Boris – you name it we can moan for England. While maintaining an air of cheerful, if somewhat deferential, stoicism we go through life apologising while at the same time keeping a stiff upper lip.

This air of permanent regret can seem bewildering and perverse to tourists. We apologize when bumping into you “Sorry old chap, didn’t see you there”. When you bump into us “So sorry” meaning do that again at your peril.

When we hold open a door for another with the greeting “Don’t mention it” which of course is shorthand for “Please continue to thank me”.

When we might seem to be having a perfectly amiable conversation while in fact disagreeing with every word you have uttered the appropriate interjection is “I’m not being funny, but . . . ” which is a prelude to a socially unacceptable remark.

Punctuality was once the trademark of an Englishman, but with transport in London slowly grinding to a halt you are more likely to get the apology “I’m running 10 minutes late . . .” roughly translated this means “Boris hasn’t fixed the delays yet and I will be there anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour after we agreed to meet”.

And watch out if at a social gathering you hear “I have half a mind to say something . . . ” that indicates

“I am adding to years’ worth of unspoken resentment that you can silence with a very dry white wine”.

Sorry doesn’t seem to be the hardest word as Elton John opined: When we walk into doors, when dropping anything, when we want to butt into a conversation, when flustered or when brushing past you in a pub, when we cannot hear or when hearing all too well as a reflex “Sorry” suffices for what we cannot think of what else to say.

But by no means does saying “sorry” mean the speaker is in fact, well, sorry.

“Probably my fault . . . ” is about as deferential as we get. Take that to mean “This is your fault.”

Frequent apology is one of an arsenal of clever tricks Londoners employ to obscure their true feelings. If the words “Mustn’t complain . . . ” are directed at you take notice, their true meaning is “I have just complained and if you don’t sort it out I will take the matter further”.

Eastenders greet one another with “Alright?” don’t enter into a conversation about your woes, it’s the law of the jungle to show that you are one of them and a friend.

And London cabbies are not immune to this verbal gymnastics, our greeting to another cab driver of “Be Lucky” roughly translates to “I hope you don’t get a job before me”.

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Rank outsiders

24 April, 2012 at 1:50 pm | Posted in I'm as mad as Hell | 3 Comments
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Black and white cab

Try to imagine that you are an American tourist (trust me it isn’t hard). You have booked a trip to Britain and you plan to take in the capital. What goes through your mind when you think of London? Bobbies on the beat; red telephone boxes; red buses and ah yes! Black cabs. I might be wrong, but I would suggest that a top of the range BMW was not on your list.

Not so Olympic Games organisers LOCOG who last week unveiled their 4,000 strong fleet of German vehicles. These luxury limos will be driven by chauffeurs who are undergoing assessment to ensure their driving skills match the test that black cab drivers have to achieve before they are allowed to ply for hire on the streets of London. Depending on the grade given, these voluntary drivers could end up driving a top of the range BMW M5 or delivering parcels in another BMW vehicle.

So if ferrying the ‘Olympic Family’ around the capital was not deemed to represent London, then surely the humble black cab has a part to play in the year’s sports fest.

The cab ranks at the adjacent Westfield shopping centre will be closed due to security fears during the 2012 Olympics at the eleventh hour after much consideration 20 taxi rank spaces have been allocated at Stratford station.

So how do you get to the Olympic site? The organisers have thought this through and to make London 2012 the greenest Olympics in history, bus, train and bike are the preferred modes of transport.

Now forgive me for labouring the point – an appropriate term in the circumstances – but should you wish to leave the Olympics and you are disabled or a woman in labour sharing a train with 80,000 others leaving the venue at the same time might prove daunting.

No problem say LOCOG – who incidentally have paid well over the odds for the building and services contracts to meet self-imposed diversity commitments giving work to firms which agreed to employ disabled staff and not those companies submitting the most competitive tenders – use public transport.

You can of course pre-book a cab assuming you know when you might go into labour or become unwell. Or try to find the odd taxi rank. Early reports suggest that these ranks are located in such obscure places we are going to need all our powers of observation just to find them, let alone a member of the public with urgent needs.

It’s a good job we honed up our observational skills when undertaking the Knowledge, we might need them just to find the ranks.

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STaN’s not The Man

24 May, 2011 at 6:36 pm | Posted in I'm as mad as Hell | 2 Comments
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London at Night

Known as London’s curry capital, Brick Lane boasts over 50 Indian restaurants, some of which have won plaudits for the quality of their food. According to some restaurateurs some of their neighbours began touting for customers in a bid to lure passing punters into their premises, but after a decade of gentle influence the council has received complaints that touts were harassing and intimidating people possibly discouraging them from ever returning to the area. Tower Hamlets councillor Abdal Ullah commentating on the proliferation of touting has said “It began with just one or two touting for business but this started to affect some other restaurants so badly that they had to start doing the same and before long the situation spiralled”.

After a voluntary initiative by restaurants to stop touting Tower Hamlets have brought in a bye-law which enables the council to impose a £20,000 fine or 6-month imprisonment if a restaurant employs touts and fining individuals up to £500 if found guilty of the offence.

Annoying touting may be, but I’d be surprised if a woman has ever been raped whilst eating in an Indian restaurant. Unlike London’s Public Hire Vehicles which last year saw reported sexual assaults rising by 54 per cent with 143 sexual attacks including 29 rapes – and what are the authorities doing? Zero.

In October 2002 the Safer Travel at Night (STaN”) initiative was set up to reduce the rise in sexual assaults, which had reached epidemic proportions with 212 recorded assaults in illegal minicabs in one year alone. Initially thoroughly vetted cab offices were set up, the owners having to keep detailed records for every driver operating out of their premises including ensuring that an Enhanced Criminal Record Check (“CRB”) being made on every driver.

Transport for London in 2006 accelerated their agenda, in proposals recently discovered TfL plans to identify clubs, bars and other venues where satellite cab offices could be set up. We now have a situation where every club, bar or hotel can become a satellite cab office and employ a tout with a clipboard to inveigle young women into the cars illegally parked outside these venues. At the same time CRB checks on foreign nationals coming to work in London have sometimes proved to be ineffectual as their country of origin do not have or will not supply the relevant information on an individual’s criminal record.

There are only 56 PCO enforcement officers to control nearly 10,000 Private Hire and Taxis. Taking into account shift patterns, holiday and sick leave, we are lucky if there are even five officers out that at any one time, and astonishingly there are currently only four, that work at night when they are most needed. This gives you some idea why it really is a sexual predator’s paradise out there. New York, a city of similar size, with a similar number of vehicles has 413 officers.

Should you wish to study the proposals by Steve Burton, Deputy Director of Transport Policing and Enforcement, Transport for London the 95 page document may be accessed at:

http://ucg-london.co.uk/2011/03/31/stan-the-safer-travel-at-night-report/

This year has shown a marked improvement in the number of cab-related sexual offences at 111, compared to the previous year, where there were 140 offences, there was a decrease of 20.7% and since 2003 the Cab Enforcement Unit has made more than 7,000 arrests for touting and cab-related offences but as anyone knows who visits London at night the results still falls way short of removing these preditators.

Recently the Evening Standard’s Rob Parsons accompanied officers on an undercover operation to tackle touting in the West End; his article was published on the 23 May.

Denise Gabbard has contributed to CabbieBlog with the problems that American cabbies face every working day and how their problems can be ameliorated:

She writes:
Driving a taxicab is much different from what most people do for a living. Some reports place taxi drivers at the top of the list of most dangerous occupations, above even police officers and firemen. In fact, since 1990, more than 180 taxi drivers have been killed just in New York City.

Obviously, safety should be the top priority of everyone who earns their pay by driving a cab.

What makes it so dangerous?
There are a number of reasons why driving a taxicab is such a dangerous occupation, and drivers should always be alert to those reasons and be on guard against violence:
Drivers work completely alone
Drivers have cash readily available on board
Drivers can work in isolated or seedy areas
Drivers frequently work long and tiring shifts
Drivers deal with strangers, and visitors, constantly
Drivers are often immigrants, and language barriers and racism play a factor
Drivers overall have a poor reputation with the public
Drivers sometimes are treated less human because of negative perceptions

Reading your customers
It’s important to understand the complexity and nature of people when driving a taxicab, in order to keep yourself safe. Realize that every person is different, but that the vast majority of people are good, though sometimes there are bad days even for the nicest folks. Also know that there are people who are simply psychopaths, and these people have no empathy or feelings for others.

If your passenger looks angry or hostile, stares angrily, tenses his body or makes sudden jerky movements, those things should send up a red flag to you. Likewise, if they avoid eye contact all together, you should be on high alert. Body language says as much as the words coming from your customer’s mouth. You must never underestimate a customer, regardless of how they look, because you never know what they are capable of doing.

Playing it safe
Remember that your radio is your lifeline, and your dispatcher can help you if you get in trouble. Be sure that you have a good working relationship with all dispatchers because you need them to always have your back. They can sometimes sense when there is trouble and send help, give you needed information to keep you safe, and keep you up to date on happenings that might affect you.

Always stay alert, keep an eye on what’s going on around you whether driving or waiting for a fare. Eat right, get enough sleep, and plenty of exercise which will keep your energy level high.

Humanize yourself to your fares by offering them a friendly and polite greeting, smile, and most of all, make eye contact. Eye contact is critical, because you are telling them that you care about them and yourself, and also that you know what they look like and can identify them if needed.

Always have adequate taxi insurance to cover any thefts or damage, so you will not be tempted to fight someone who tries to rob you. Your safety is more important than money!

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I’m incandescent with rage

18 January, 2011 at 2:33 am | Posted in I'm as mad as Hell | 2 Comments
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headlightsWhen the motor car was originally invented it was little more than its predecessor, the horse drawn carriage. The light for this new contraption were acetylene lamps, with just enough light to indicate its presence, travelling at walking pace, slower than most vehicle on the road, this weak light was all that was necessary. The earliest headlamps were fuelled by acetylene or oil and were introduced in the late 1880s, among the earliest inventions were the “Prest-O-Lite” acetylene lamps that were popular because the flame was resistant to wind and rain. The first electric headlamps were introduced in 1898 on the Columbia Electric Car from the Electric Vehicle Company of Hartford, Connecticut, but the manufacturers regarded them as superfluous so made them optional extras. Two factors limited the widespread use of electric headlamps: the short life of filaments in the harsh automotive environment, and the difficulty of producing dynamos small enough, yet powerful enough to produce sufficient current.

As cars developed into a shape we would recognise today, and with speeds attaining the dizzy heights of 50mph Thomas Edison’s incandescent light bulbs were necessary for drivers to see and be seen. This lasted until the advent of Ward War II made it necessary for vehicles to take to the road with the barest minimum of illumination but as there were hardly any other vehicles around; the biggest danger was falling down a bomb crater.

From the 1950’s car development has moved on apace, and with it so have vehicles’ headlights. First fog lights were added which, if the manufacturer’s claims were to be believed, would cut a swath through fog with their ethereal yellow beam. A further development was for moving away from the parabolic mirror to a more efficient reflecting shape giving a better and more focussed beam.

For the manufacturers of the prestigious Marques, the humble beam of Edison’s humble bulb was not sufficiently impressive for their discerning (or if you prefer – exhibitionist) customers, and so a brighter light had to be found. As if with perfect timing the HID (high-intensity discharge) Xenon/Bi-Xenon car headlights dropped into their laps at just the time the world was agonizing over global warming. What luck! A high intensity light that shows off the owner’s wealth and his green credentials at the same time. These headlights not only save on the watts, but also light up the streets way better for the driver, but not it has to be said for anyone approaching the vehicle.

Now doctors are becoming aware that the bright and extra headlights are causing stress and many other road users would like to see some action taken to reduce this unnecessary glare. It has been suggested that being confronted with a bright distracting light triggers a fight or flight response, with the result that high blood pressure, stress and blood sugars increase, not to mention the added risk of eye disease.

Unnecessary distracting and blinding lights are a hazard and that you will actually be doing the manufactures a favour by nipping this in the bud soon, as they could be liable for the damage that is resulting from this, to take a blind eye (no pun intended) to this is not only negligent but criminal. The eye is the most sensitive of all our senses; it is easily damaged as well as the most easily distracted. All this extra lighting is causing accidents, not preventing them, many people seem to agree about this issue and I have yet to speak to a single person who was in favour of these lights, although no discussion has yet taken place with a 4×4 driver.

The brightness is made worst as these high intensity lights are fitted on high vehicles whose headlight are at the same height as other driver’s eyes. In addition we now we have a situation that every wannabe boy racer’s car has been installed with these HID lights as well, modifying their current headlights, and driving with HID fog lights to supplement their headlights. All to attain that oh so cool blueish/whitish glow, or to tell their fellow drivers that they’re blind.

The only proper and indeed ethical course of action is to regulate now.

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Zil Lanes

28 December, 2010 at 2:02 am | Posted in I'm as mad as Hell | 1 Comment
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Zil Lanes

Today’s post comes with a health warning, before reading further please hold on to something to steady yourself, or better still sit down.

It has taken east Londoner Paul Charman two years using the Freedom of Information Act to bring to our attention just what we signed up for when London won the bid for the 2012 Olympics.

Don’t expect to find an available hotel room for the duration of the Games, London has to provide the International Olympic Committee (“IOC”), staff and officials with 40,000 hotel rooms including 1,800 four- and five-star hotel suites, ensuring the Dorchester, Grosvenor House and London Hilton are already booked solid, in addition an Olympic Village for athletes is being built in east London at a cost of £325 million.

Dedicated traffic lanes nicknamed “Zil Lanes” from Soviet Russia will provide 250 miles of traffic free travel - even the Royal Family doesn’t enjoy that privilege - and one lane stretches from London to Weymouth to facilitate access to the sailing events. Using those Zil Lanes (no buses, bikes or taxis allowed) will be 500 air-conditioned limos, complete with uniformed drivers.

All advertising for the duration of the Games can only contain material approved by the IOC, so unless you are a sponsor to the Games your product may not see the light of day in London. Even spectators may not wear clothing advertising a non-Olympic sponsored brand, so forget wearing your football stripe to east London. Journalists and photographers are not allowed signage of any kind, and so if a photo-journalist used a Nikon camera and if Nikon is not on the approved list, tape will have to be placed over the camera’s identity. London police have to be made available to enforce any infringements to these draconian requirements, so for the duration of the 2012 Games most of London will remain a State within a State with many of our rights and freedoms subservient to the requirements of the International Olympic Committee.

Every lamppost in the Capital looks to have hung from it what the IOC call pageantry, and because French is the Olympics’ second language expect the “pageantry” to appear in England and French.

This post can only be a taster for what is expected by the IOC, if you still have the need for more information to what London has signed up for, read the excellent article by Ed Howker and Andrew Gilligan in the Spectator.

http://www.spectator.co.uk/coffeehouse/6532548/revealed-the-olympic-cashin.thtml

http://www.spectator.co.uk/essays/6526463/the-true-cost-of-the-olympics.thtml

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A Black Day for Black Cabs

16 November, 2010 at 2:46 am | Posted in I'm as mad as Hell | 6 Comments
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scrapped cabs

I’m sorry to come over all Cabbie Centric here, but if you want the answer to why there aren’t any cabs are to be found soon on a wet Friday night as you leave the theatre, stick with me here so you’ll know who to blame.

Now here is a clue: Our London Mayor, Boris Johnson is proposing to put a 10 year limit to the age of London’s black taxi fleet.

A leading trade journalist has estimated that at a stroke 7,500 cabs will be taken off the road equating to one third of the fleet. Followed by another 1,500 every year after that, so in just over two years nearly half of London cabs would be scrapped. These scrapped cabs are the vehicles approved by TfL and in fact until recent they were virtually the ONLY vehicles cabbies could use with TfL approval.

Not long ago to gain our green credentials every older cab had to undergo an expensive modification to bring it up to Euro 3 compliant. Apparently Boris doesn’t think the £2,000 conversion goes far enough and wants to run fleets of Euro 4 or higher compliant vehicles.

His proposition to cap the age of cabs at 10 years means that their residual value would reduce by approximately £4,000 a year and that dear reader would mean increased fares just at the time of austerity measures for many of London businesses and residents.

Setting aside the environmental impact of dismantling perfectly serviceable vehicles only to replace them with imports from China, yes China, many components from London’s cabs are produced in Asia and the manufacturers are proposing that the vehicles are only assembled in Birmingham, how can that be a realistic option for the environment when many much older cars are allowed into London?

What our passengers don’t realised (and why should they), is that many vehicles are rented. Again the London Taxi Drivers Association (“LTDA”) estimated this older fleet of rented vehicles will diminish by up to 50 per cent and the operators would be unable to survive this catastrophic blow to their equity. These garages owned by fleet owners would just shut up shop with their staff being made redundant.

Many older drivers, including this writer, would simply retire having decided that to replace their cab or the increase in rent was too a higher price to pay, for what a part-time job is for many. Some younger drivers, particularly firemen supplement their income as cabbies, and would have to consider the viability of replacing their vehicle or seeking alternative employment.

The LTDA have commissioned a report to counter some of the dubious claims made about London cabs green credentials by TfL, and hope to persuade Boris of his folly. But if reasoned persuasion doesn’t work (and Boris is not renowned for about-turns) expect to find an awful lot of empty cabs blocking traffic flow while demonstrating in central London.

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The Placebo Button

8 October, 2010 at 12:54 am | Posted in I'm as mad as Hell | 2 Comments
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It’s becoming a bit of an obsession with me, the fact that London seems to host the annual world jaywalking championship, for when seeing my cab approaching pedestrians are filled with the overwhelming desire to cross the road irrespective of whether or not they’re standing on a pedestrian crossing. But I think my jaywalking tormentors have discovered the secret of the cosmetic button, for how many times you have stood at a pedestrian crossing jabbing at the button with seemingly no effect on the lights?

Could it be that the button simply doesn’t affect anything at all and those jaywalkers have discovered the secret?

In New York, more than 2,500 of the city’s 3,250 crossings were moved over to a computer-controlled system by the late 1980s, except that the buttons were never removed and most (but not all) walk buttons in New York City have been deactivated yet people push them anyhow, either in ignorance, out of habit, in the off chance the buttons do work, or so New Yorkers can still think they have the power to stop traffic.

London’s pedestrian crossing buttons could be one of a growing number of “Placebo buttons” which are there purely to give us the illusion of control. In some office buildings the thermostat is actually a dummy for the temperature is centrally controlled. And don’t think you have any control over the “door close” buttons in many lifts for they are useless, as most lifts that look as if they are less than 50 years old now have sensor technology to decide when their doors open or close. Have you ever used a toilet in a motorway service station, doesn’t that button asking you to vote on the cleanliness of the facility annoy you? So you press with a degree of anger (after all you’ve been driving all day) that the toilets don’t meet your expectations, knowing that your vote is meaningless.

Since you can’t be sure whether the buttons actually have a purpose, I suggest rapidly hammering the button with your fist while jumping up and down impatiently, which is probably what you were doing all along anyway.

So why do we keep pushing these pointless buttons? According to psychologists, it’s because we’ve been conditioned to expect a certain response every time we touch a button. We can’t get our heads around there being no outcome to the action – hence why you see people hammering on lift buttons, and then looking amazed when the doors finally close.

Plus, of course, we’re an arrogant species who like to feel we can walk on proverbial water – or at least across the road – at will in front of my cab. We all like to imagine we are masters of our universe.

Oh! And that little button with the red light indicating that the intercom in a cab is turned on and the driver is being attentive . . .
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Have a nice day

1 June, 2010 at 11:59 pm | Posted in I'm as mad as Hell | 2 Comments
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50 notes It started as a promising day, the sun was shining, we had a new Government and yes, I had earned enough to warrant a trip to the bank. I proffered my deposit, the cashier smiled and said good morning, and then her eyes alighted upon a £50 note of mine. In a nanosecond a money checker detection pen appeared and like a censor from the Lord Chamberlain’s Office she had drawn a line across the note.

“It’s a forgery, I’m afraid, and I can’t give it back, but I can if you wish, give you a receipt”. Great, £50 down.

Rapidly striding off to WH Smiths, and taking the cashier’s advice to purchase for myself said detector pen, my mood darkened.

In an effort to cheer myself up and repair my dented ego, I did a bit of research on counterfeiting and also to confirm that I wasn’t the only London cabbie to get caught.

As a large city London has vast sums of cash changing hands each day, and this makes the Capital a perfect place to distribute this worthless junk. This was recognised in the Middle Ages and they used some rather novel methods to deter offenders.

Clipping was a popular past time in this period, where small clips were taken from the edge of a coin and using them to mint a counterfeit. Coin clipping is why many coins have the rim of the coin marked with stripes, text or some other pattern that would be destroyed if the coin were clipped, a safeguard attributed to Isaac Newton, after being appointed Master of the Mint.

Unlike today the threat to England’s economy from counterfeiting and ultimately the country’s security was appreciated by Parliament and offenders had a multiple choice of punishments, ranging to having one’s ears removed to hanging.

The Treason Act 1415 was an Act of the Parliament of England which made clipping coins high treason and punishable by death. (It was already treason to counterfeit coins.) The Act was repealed by the Treason Act 1553, and then revived again in 1562. The Act originally only protected English coins, but was later extended in 1575 to cover foreign coins “current” within England. The Coin Act 1575 also abolished (for coin clipping only) the penalties of corruption of blood and forfeiture of goods and lands (see what I mean by multiply punishments).

In modern times fraudsters have now a range of aids to perfect their craft making detection harder, so there is far more counterfeit currency in circulation. Remarkably last year the total amount of fake £1 coins hit 37.5 million, the highest sum since the coin was introduced in 1983, and a rise of 26 per cent since 2007, when 30 million were found to be fakes. Even more remarkable is that convicted forgers these days retain their ears, and only serve the shortest of sentences.
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The lunatics have taken over the asylum

13 October, 2009 at 1:19 am | Posted in I'm as mad as Hell | Leave a comment
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taxirank

It’s now been four weeks since London’s Black Cabbies protested about the Public Carriage Office (“PCO”) who allowed an unsuitable person to start the Knowledge. The gentleman concerned has now been removed from the course but the public have a right to know if there are any other criminals driving London’s Black Cabs.

As reported extensively in London’s media the PCO allowed a paranoid schizophrenic with convictions for manslaughter and assault to study for the Knowledge. Even worst when a spokesman for the PCO was interviewed by James Whale on LBC he could not, or would not give assurances that other criminals with convictions for serious offences were not aspiring cabbies. He even went as far as to state that the whistleblower within the PCO, if discovered, would be subject to a “serious reprimand procedure”.

When I did the Knowledge part of the test was putting the student under pressure to see how they would react. For, how can I put this politely? Some of you can be awkward when you have had a drink, or when we have taken an incorrect route. Unlike other occupations these disputes have to be resolved between ourselves in isolation. If a person with mental health issues has to confront that situation there is nobody around to give them support.

By allowing rickshaws and the blatant touting in the West End every night I’m beginning to lose confidence that this regulatory body has the ability to protect the public. It shouldn’t be cabbies who have to draw the public’s attention these dangers and put pressure on the PCO to do its job.

Picture by Dominic Shannon.
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Gordon’s a Post Turtle

22 May, 2009 at 1:18 am | Posted in I'm as mad as Hell | 1 Comment
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PostTurtle Have you looked at Gordon Brown lately? He has the haunted look of a hunted animal, with his authority ebbing away and the Palace of Westminster’s standing with the voters at its lowest point for many years, he reminds me of finding a turtle balancing on a post. You wonder how he got up there, he didn’t get up there by himself; he doesn’t belong up there; and you wonder what dumb ass put him up there to begin with.

After 12 years of corruption at the Mother of Parliaments the chickens are coming home to roost. They have removed hereditary peers and replaced them with Labour’s yes men, only to find, surprise, they have been taking bribes; top civil servants are now just clerks; and they put a Speaker in the House just to comply with their bidding. Now their little empire is coming to an end.

If they were serious about stopping corruption in the expenses scandal that has engulfed Parliament this week, they would:

  • Reduce the number of MPs to 400, by getting the Boundary Commission to redraw the constituencies;
  • As 70 per cent of legislation is now done by Europe, devise a way to get them to work longer for their constituency, instead of having 13 weeks holiday this summer;
  • Increase their salaries to comparable rates of other professionals (say £100,000 a year);
  • Provide a quality Hall of Residence in London to give them secure accommodation when away from home. The American embassy in Grosvenor Square is to be vacated soon, a perfect location; and
  • Finally, provide them with an Oyster card to get about London during the week, and a first class return ticket from their home.

They won’t amend their ways, it’s been a nice little earner for them for years, and of course what else could they do, most of them have never had a job outside of politics.

Well, CabbieBlog just doesn’t trust them; I think I’ll ask for the fare up front if any politician hails me!

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